When Your Partner’s Ex Looks Better Than You

Hello Ladies

It is one of the worst things to find out about your current relationship.  You see an old picture of the two of them together, or you find an old Valentine’s Day card he sent to her or………..they are still friends on Facebook.  You find out his name and pull up his page.  The profile loads and you find yourself in a moment where the only thing that really fits the situation is “Damn”.  It happens. Life happens.  Shyt happens.  And at this point you just have to make sure the shyt doesn’t hit the fan.  Because when shyt hits the fan it splatters and it takes a lot of Pine Sol to clean up.  Cleaning up shyt is rarely pleasant. Obviously, finding out your girlfriend use to get tossed up by the Old Spice Guy (before he was the Old Spice Guy) can be very intimidating.  How you handle this situation going forward can and will affect you and your relationship.

Ladies, I’m going to let you inside of our heads for a second.  The following is the logical thought process of a male once he finds out that your Ex looks way better than he does.

“So what if his body is like 10x better than mine!  There must be something he was doing wrong that I am doing right. Right?  Let me look at his Facebook page to see if he still got any pictures up of him and her.  Yeah, let’s see if he is stupid enough to have those pictures up so I’ll have an excuse to whoop that azz next time I see him.  Nope, he took them all down. He had better taken them down. I know he see on her profile that she is “in a relationship”.  What to do next?  What next, what next…..  Next, you are gonna make sure you’re doing everything that he wasn’t doing.  Do you remember why she broke up with him?  Think dummy! Can’t remember. That’s what I get for acting like I was listening to her on the phone while I was really playing Xbox 360.  Wait, she said……it was more sexual than anything else.  Wait…….it was what?  You telling me all yall really did was have sex? (That’s really where we stop the logical processing.  We can’t get past the fact that you had sex with another man.  Ladies don’t ever bring this up because now we are stuck on this and not going anywhere. We know that at some point in your life you had sex with another man, but getting an open non-forced confirmation of it really stinks.) Stuck on the sex, stuck on the sex, stuck on the sex. Why the hell would she tell me that?  Like that makes it better.  “We broke up because I realized it was just about the sex. We had nothing else in common.”  This is some bull, I bet every time he see her he start thinking about the sex they used to have.  I know he does because I do it.  He probably think about the sex they used to have every time she make a status updated.  I gotta fix this.” – Ok, get out of my head and back to the blog.

The first thing we (as in “men”)  do is try to out-do Old Spice Guy in the bedroom.  Whatever we are doing now, we now have to do it 2x as long and 3x as hard.  If we were doing it passionately, we need to do it 6x more passionately (which would be the equivalent of 3x as hard).  If Old Spice Guy was working the middle then we need to try to pillage the p*ssy from now on.  If by chance Old Spice Guy had a bigger a wenis than us and he worked the middle better, then we  gonna work the hell out of the walls of your vagina.  It might start a fire there is so much friction on your side walls.  If it was just about sex with him then it sure as hell better be about sex with us as well as everything that makes the relationship work.

About a month goes by of you proving yourself.

You wreck the relationship.

We don’t realize until after we have ruined the relationship that she loved you for things that were other than sex.  And the things that she loved other than the sex, made the sex you shared better than the sex with Old Spice Guy because Love was attached to this sex.  The Love proved to be an extreme emotional attachment that coupled with the sex, sent the experience into the stratosphere simply because it was you that she loved and not the Old Spice Guy.  Now you are alone at 30 and have to start “dating” over again because you became so paranoid of the Old Spice Guy your that was sexing your woman months or years before you.  All because you thought Old Spice Guy looked better than you.  And he did look better than you, but now your alone on top of that.

So fellas, swallow that pride and face reality.  Know that your girl is not a virgin.  If she said she is a virgin she is lying to you.  And if she said she wants to save herself for marriage and you know for a fact  she slept with the last guy she was with, know that God is punishing you from that underhanded creeping you did to your last girlfriend.  And ladies, don’t open your mouth and insert your foot.  Even at the sake of being open and honest.  There are people that we all have slept with that we need to take to our graves.  Telling your man that the last relationship you were in was strictly sexual happens to be a really dumb move.

Comment and discuss.



Filed under Coitus Relations, Relationships...mmm kinda sorta, You Care

2 responses to “When Your Partner’s Ex Looks Better Than You

  1. I’d just like to say that the exact same goes for women as well. I for one, although grateful to the ex that yall broke up, would like to believe that my current boo’s ex was a prude, dry as the Sahara, stiff as a board in bed, lazy lay. And I prefer it if I don’t run across pictures of said lazy lay. Don’t even think about keeping pics of that relationship anywhere that I may find them, including making sure your mother removes them from her photo albums.

    That’s the only way I can deal with a beautiful ex girlfriend. And I’m always considerate to the new boo..you can’t imagine how much better it makes a guy feel to tell him your ex, although quite handsome, has a toddler penis and thinks a G-spot is a new club in town. *Shrug*

  2. Her ex may seem a hunky stud (or for MissME43–his ex may seem a hot babe), but you’ve got the goods and the ex’s got nothin’. He (she) is the one who should be jealous. You’re doin’ just fine.

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