The Best and Worst Boobs Ever

Salma Hayek- Honorable Mention

Actually, these are only the best and worst boobs I found in one hour.  Let me explain.

Breasts are defined as:   Either of the pair of mammae (pronounced ma’am mae) occurring on the chest in humans and having a discrete areola around the nipple,especially the mammae of the female after puberty, which are enlarged and softened by hormonally influenced mammary-gland development and fat deposition and which secrete milk after the birth of a child. (Sexy right?)

But lets talk about what breasts really are.  What breasts are to a man.  Breasts to a man is defined as: The most beautiful pair of almost identical things in the world; secret source of power over a man; cherished assets that can often lead to lust, sex, staring and gawking; can often lead to social and economic gains such as getting your rent paid, your car washed or buying school clothes for your kids.

We have many terms of endearment for the treasures you hold on your chest. Bazookas, boobies, butterbags, cantaloupes, honkers, jugs, chesticles, lactoids, love muffins, mammories, melons, taa-taa loonies, ninnies, nippers, pontoons, tig ole bitties, sandbags and sweet rolls.  If more women understood the power of owning a great pair of breasts, you could manipulate every heterosexual man on for 23 hours of the day.  Y’all don’t understand, if I had boobs I would lather them up with vaseline and baby oil and wrap my body in syran wrap, forming a syran wrap see-through freakum dress which I would wear every time I go to the club.  If I had a great rack I would slide a big cup of iced tea down in between them while I’m watching television on a hot day.  If I had knockers there would be no more wars, we would have have found Bin Laden, the President after Barack Obama would also be black and the world would be a better place.

You know what’s fun?  Devoting one hour doing a Google image search for boobs.  With that in mind, I did exactly that. (To be fair, I only intended to spend a few minutes doing this)  As I navigated through pages of all sorts of boobs, steering clear of the pornsites that offered me free boobs, ass, wenis’ and Charleston Steamers, I put together a visual list of some of the best and worst boobs I found during my one hour search.  What is the usefulness of this you say? Well let me tell you, there is nothing socially redeeming about being the judge and jury of what boobs are considered good and what boobs are considered bad.  But if you had to take something away from this list and this blog, it would be that 1) Men really love boobs 2) Women should use them more to your advantage and 3) If you own a pair of ugly sub-par boobs, you should cover them up in public and never wear shirts with a plunging necklines.

With that said, I bring you some of the best and worst boobs I found during my one hour google image search.

Our first nominee is Amber Rose.  These boobs go above  and beyond the call of duty.

Amber Rose- Top 5 Nominee

Our second nominee is Halle Berry.  There is something special that happens to boobs when women are pregnant.  Evidence of this is below.

Halle Berry - Top 5 Nominee

Our third nominee has been completely messed over by R&B artist, The Dream.  The Dream is a hideous looking person but this couple’s union is a picture perfect example of why I wrote “I Had A Chance at Janet Jackson. We all had a chance……”

Christina Millian- Top 5 Nominee

Our next nominee is Tocarra from America’s Next Top Model.  You don’t ever hear Tocarra complaining about her back is hurting do you?

Tocarra- Top 5 Nominee

Next is Shay The UK Bombshell. Not really an explanation needed.

Shay the UK Bombshell- Top 5 Nominee

The following were honorable mentions during this google image search.

Video Vixen and Blogger, Shanecka Adams gets an honorable mention.  So does this big chested unknown woman below her.

Shaneka Adams- Honorable Mention

Big Chested Unknown Woman-Honorable Mention

The last honorable mention goes to Mel B, previously of The Spice Girls.

Mel B- Honorable Mention

And now I present some of the worst breasts I found during this google image search.

Jessica Simpson- Worst Boob Nominee
Brittany Spears-Worst Boob Nominee
Lil Kim- Worst Boob Nominee
Pam Anderson- Worst Boob Nominee & WTF happened to your nipple?
Tara Reid- Worst Boob Nominee
Vivica A. Fox- Worst Boob Nominee

Lastly, I found this very disturbing picture of Janet Jackson.  It’s disturbing to me because I thought

Janet Jackson would be a Top Boob Nominee.  Then I saw this picture…

Janet Jackson's Titty- I'm Surprised As You Are

So Happy Friday Fellas and all you ladies that like boobies.




Filed under Celebrity News, This is our blog and we can write what we want

5 responses to “The Best and Worst Boobs Ever

  1. Anonymous

    Maybe Pamela anderson has strange nippels because of the scare of the surgery to get fake boobs. Most of the time they open the nippel, othewise they pass it by the arm pit or they open under the boobs but anyway palema has to have some scares…

    • Anonymous

      I reaised that most fo the boobs that you considered has the worst actyally look like real boobs. they are heavy, there is the gravity. Of course fake boobs are heavy but the magy of the plastic normally make them stay up! Or you took pictures of girls wearing clothes which make their boobs stay up but without, the gravity is stronger and they would look a bite like the worst boobs, if you see what i mean…

  2. Anonymous

    i just realised that most of the boobs that you have considered has the worst actyally looks like real boobs. they are haevy, there is the gravity. Of course fake boobs are haevy too but the magy of the plastic make them stay up. Do you like real girls?

  3. Anonymous

    Maro belsa

  4. Fox

    I came across this post and I was going through them when I saw the photo of Vivica A. Fox. It says gross because the breast looks indented but if you look closely its actually a type of tape on that’s probably supposed to either keep her boob up or prevent it from falling out of her dress. Otherwise, they look fine.

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