Actually, these are only the best and worst boobs I found in one hour. Let me explain.
Breasts are defined as: Either of the pair of mammae (pronounced ma’am mae) occurring on the chest in humans and having a discrete areola around the nipple,especially the mammae of the female after puberty, which are enlarged and softened by hormonally influenced mammary-gland development and fat deposition and which secrete milk after the birth of a child. (Sexy right?)
But lets talk about what breasts really are. What breasts are to a man. Breasts to a man is defined as: The most beautiful pair of almost identical things in the world; secret source of power over a man; cherished assets that can often lead to lust, sex, staring and gawking; can often lead to social and economic gains such as getting your rent paid, your car washed or buying school clothes for your kids.
We have many terms of endearment for the treasures you hold on your chest. Bazookas, boobies, butterbags, cantaloupes, honkers, jugs, chesticles, lactoids, love muffins, mammories, melons, taa-taa loonies, ninnies, nippers, pontoons, tig ole bitties, sandbags and sweet rolls. If more women understood the power of owning a great pair of breasts, you could manipulate every heterosexual man on for 23 hours of the day. Y’all don’t understand, if I had boobs I would lather them up with vaseline and baby oil and wrap my body in syran wrap, forming a syran wrap see-through freakum dress which I would wear every time I go to the club. If I had a great rack I would slide a big cup of iced tea down in between them while I’m watching television on a hot day. If I had knockers there would be no more wars, we would have have found Bin Laden, the President after Barack Obama would also be black and the world would be a better place.
You know what’s fun? Devoting one hour doing a Google image search for boobs. With that in mind, I did exactly that. (To be fair, I only intended to spend a few minutes doing this) As I navigated through pages of all sorts of boobs, steering clear of the pornsites that offered me free boobs, ass, wenis’ and Charleston Steamers, I put together a visual list of some of the best and worst boobs I found during my one hour search. What is the usefulness of this you say? Well let me tell you, there is nothing socially redeeming about being the judge and jury of what boobs are considered good and what boobs are considered bad. But if you had to take something away from this list and this blog, it would be that 1) Men really love boobs 2) Women should use them more to your advantage and 3) If you own a pair of ugly sub-par boobs, you should cover them up in public and never wear shirts with a plunging necklines.
With that said, I bring you some of the best and worst boobs I found during my one hour google image search.
Our first nominee is Amber Rose. These boobs go above and beyond the call of duty.
Our second nominee is Halle Berry. There is something special that happens to boobs when women are pregnant. Evidence of this is below.
Our third nominee has been completely messed over by R&B artist, The Dream. The Dream is a hideous looking person but this couple’s union is a picture perfect example of why I wrote “I Had A Chance at Janet Jackson. We all had a chance……”
Our next nominee is Tocarra from America’s Next Top Model. You don’t ever hear Tocarra complaining about her back is hurting do you?
Next is Shay The UK Bombshell. Not really an explanation needed.
The following were honorable mentions during this google image search.
and Blogger, Shanecka Adams gets an honorable mention. So does this big chested unknown woman below her.
The last honorable mention goes to Mel B, previously of The Spice Girls.
And now I present some of the worst breasts I found during this google image search.
Lastly, I found this very disturbing picture of Janet Jackson. It’s disturbing to me because I thought
Janet Jackson would be a Top Boob Nominee. Then I saw this picture…
So Happy Friday Fellas and all you ladies that like boobies.
- Boob Lovin’ Day (osocio.org)
- BEST OF 2010: Heidi’s Boobs Fell Out (thesuperficial.com)
- Teairra Mari Gives Her Fans Naughty Xmas Present, Tweets Pic Of Her Boobs (hellobeautiful.com)